In general, women live longer than men. One of the reasons is that they share their feelings more often. Men tend to stuff their feelings. This is a good practice to continue if you want an early grave.
The concept I want to discuss this week is the idea of self-disclosure. Women have more friends because of that. Women have better relationships with their male friends because of this. What is self-disclosure? It is the willingness and ability to share your honest feelings, pain, grief, fears, frustrations and anything if stuffed that will contribute to more stressful and less than satisfying relationships with others.
Men are raised to be tough, competitive, to win, and not to show emotional weakness. I never considered sharing your true feelings as a weakness, though there have been many times in my life where I struggled out of fear of rejection, embarrassment, and of being seen as weak by others. I am learning that managed self-disclosure builds bridges in relationships and brings more satisfying results than sharing too little or too much. Participating in mushing yourself invites pity, disdain, sarcasm, and a variety of other negative reactions from others. Sharing a little of yourself keeps the others in your life at a safe and unhealthy distance.
We are all in this life together doing the best we can with what we have at any given moment. Why not invite more people into your inner circle of shared passions. You may be surprised at their support, love and acceptance.
Balanced self-disclosure builds bridges with others. Too much or too little builds barriers. This is just as true at work as it is in your personal relationships.
There is nothing wrong with crying in public, sharing your deepest fears with those you trust and respect, and embracing those who get in your way. On my recent trip to Buenos Aires, I couldn’t help but notice how everyone kisses everyone when they meet or before they leave. It’s a shame that in many parts of the world kissing and hugging are seen as unnecessary or taboo. It only took me a few hours to get into the mood for all this kissing, especially the women. Try it, it’s really fun.